It's Always sunny in Philadelphia Speed Painting

Umm...this is damn amazing.

Back in the back of a cadillac,

I am way proud of myself right now, I just figured out how to drum the first minute of ACDC's "Back to Black"...then it gets all crazy and I'm unsure of what to do next. But believe you me! It's glorious. I was inspired to improv after class tonight, my teach had me doing accompaniments to Tower of Power and things kind of clicked.

Believe it or not, this is the few time I've "gone off the book" so to speak. My confidence in just winging things hasn't been too high in the past months. Now if I could just get "Percussion Gun" right. It's actually pretty easy but there's like a double roll I'm just not getting or something. Bah.

Now I've got Brian Johnson's voice in my head. And for some reason I also see that Audrey Hepburn/Gap commercial. Wait, duh, "Back to Black" was the song in the background. Okay, time for bed.

Guess who's back?

I'm back and possibly better than ever.

I know that it seems as though I've fallen off the face of the blogosphere, but truth is I had a conflict with my blog. I was just sick of the negative vibes showing up in my posts. Blah blah, I hate my job, blah blah, I'm in a rut, blah blah. I didn't like the person coming off the page so I thought it'd be a good idea to step back, reassess some things, and return when I actually have something to say.

After some introspection, I've come to realize a great many things and have learned to accept and appreciate life as it is. This is not to say that I no longer feel negative sometimes, but I think I've learned to be a lot more Zen. It's true that positive energy brings good karma and a brighter outlook on life.

I watched What the Bleep Do We Know? way back when, and something that has stuck with me is the concept of rewiring your brain by repetitive behavior. It's so true. I feel that this year I have managed to "rewire" my brain by cutting out the morose thoughts and behaviors and foricibly focusing on the good. Today, I don't have to force it. It just happens and I'm very thankful. I not only feel better in general, I think I am a better person to others which I have to admit I wasn't before.

Now I'm trying to focus on meditation, but I've hit a wall. When freethinking, I manage to dwell on regretful instances in my life and I have this physical, overwhelming sensation of discomfort that I'd rather avoid. So I end up snapping out of it and "changing the subject" if you will. I've read that this discomfort is quite normal, but it's too unpleasant for me to handle. Baby steps.

I got this CD of rainforest sounds to soothe me to sleep, but I had to get rid of it. There's this insane bird that starts cawing like a maniac whenever I get into a lull. Why did the creators think this was a good idea?

At any rate, I hope to update here a lot more often. I started another blog, but it's more food oriented and I don't think the musings of my insanity quite fit :)

For tomorrow may rain so I'll follow the sun.

My trip to Vegas is almost here! In a mere sixteen hours, I will be on a plane heading towards all things debauch. It's about time too, I am so burnt out on work I feel crispy. Ew, that sounds delicious. Now I want some KFC.

When I get back, sister and I will be going on a road trip to Milwaukee to see The Sounds. I can't even express into words how excited I am of that prospect. But to backpedal, my home is in disarray and I'm half packed. Packing for a trip super sucks, and people are trying to make me nervous about Swine Flu. My theory is that they are bitter they have to work next week and I do not. I have plenty of hand sanitizer, so I think we're good.

I also have about forty lottery tickets, so I'm hoping that while I'm in Vegas I become some kind of millionaire. Preferably of the multi-variety. Then I can quit my job and travel the world, sounds like the best plan ever. Fool proof even, just like my plan to be the female version of Neil Peart and Keith Moon. Say it with me now, fool-proof.

Okay, back to the packing.

I need crazy pills.

I need a prescription to Valium, or one of those magical pills that calms people the fuck down. I've had an anxiety problem for the past few years, but I think it's getting out of hand. I am constantly worried about any-and-everything.

Someone told me that when they were younger, they had a fear of gravity going haywire and that it would cause them to fly up into the sky and explode in space. They kind of laughed about it, but my immediate thought was, "Omigod. What if that seriously happened." See what I mean, it's ridiculous. I'm going to die 10 years earlier because of all of this fretting.

Truthishly though, I don't want to take any damn pills. I hate how casual everyone I know is about it. "Oh, I'm on Paxil" or "I've been on Wellbutrin for years but I think I'm going to switch to blah blah blah." I'm paranoid about side effects and people are popping these things like Tic Tacs. What the hell, there's the fretting again.

In not-as-crazy news, I'm debating upon the purchase of an electronic drum kit or an acoustic one. I'm certain my neighbors would prefer the former, but I love the vibrations and, um "clanginess" of a real life set. I will try to make it to the store this weekend, so we shall see what becomes of that.

I'm glad that the drumming thing is working out, as each day passes I feel like I'm wasting valuable time. Learning a new instrument is making me feel like it's not AS wasted, but let's not kid ourselves...I am festering my life away in a cubicle every damn ass day. I have to constantly remind myself that I'm lucky to even have a job and that it's a temporary thing. Once this economy picks up, I will be doing something that is more fulfilling, preferably somewhere warm. In the meanwhile, the acting thing is kind of slow (though I did just book a gig) and the writing thing is pissing me off, as usual.

But that's just how I feel today, and I truly shouldn't complain. I just like to :) and that brings us back to the crazy pills.