For tomorrow may rain so I'll follow the sun.

My trip to Vegas is almost here! In a mere sixteen hours, I will be on a plane heading towards all things debauch. It's about time too, I am so burnt out on work I feel crispy. Ew, that sounds delicious. Now I want some KFC.

When I get back, sister and I will be going on a road trip to Milwaukee to see The Sounds. I can't even express into words how excited I am of that prospect. But to backpedal, my home is in disarray and I'm half packed. Packing for a trip super sucks, and people are trying to make me nervous about Swine Flu. My theory is that they are bitter they have to work next week and I do not. I have plenty of hand sanitizer, so I think we're good.

I also have about forty lottery tickets, so I'm hoping that while I'm in Vegas I become some kind of millionaire. Preferably of the multi-variety. Then I can quit my job and travel the world, sounds like the best plan ever. Fool proof even, just like my plan to be the female version of Neil Peart and Keith Moon. Say it with me now, fool-proof.

Okay, back to the packing.

I need crazy pills.

I need a prescription to Valium, or one of those magical pills that calms people the fuck down. I've had an anxiety problem for the past few years, but I think it's getting out of hand. I am constantly worried about any-and-everything.

Someone told me that when they were younger, they had a fear of gravity going haywire and that it would cause them to fly up into the sky and explode in space. They kind of laughed about it, but my immediate thought was, "Omigod. What if that seriously happened." See what I mean, it's ridiculous. I'm going to die 10 years earlier because of all of this fretting.

Truthishly though, I don't want to take any damn pills. I hate how casual everyone I know is about it. "Oh, I'm on Paxil" or "I've been on Wellbutrin for years but I think I'm going to switch to blah blah blah." I'm paranoid about side effects and people are popping these things like Tic Tacs. What the hell, there's the fretting again.

In not-as-crazy news, I'm debating upon the purchase of an electronic drum kit or an acoustic one. I'm certain my neighbors would prefer the former, but I love the vibrations and, um "clanginess" of a real life set. I will try to make it to the store this weekend, so we shall see what becomes of that.

I'm glad that the drumming thing is working out, as each day passes I feel like I'm wasting valuable time. Learning a new instrument is making me feel like it's not AS wasted, but let's not kid ourselves...I am festering my life away in a cubicle every damn ass day. I have to constantly remind myself that I'm lucky to even have a job and that it's a temporary thing. Once this economy picks up, I will be doing something that is more fulfilling, preferably somewhere warm. In the meanwhile, the acting thing is kind of slow (though I did just book a gig) and the writing thing is pissing me off, as usual.

But that's just how I feel today, and I truly shouldn't complain. I just like to :) and that brings us back to the crazy pills.

Wanderlust.

This year is shaping up to be decent thus far. I'm going to Vegas next month, possibly Europe this summer, and then let's not forget Lollapalooza in August. Thank god, I haven't gone anywhere since Canada last year, and I'm getting itchy feet.

I am QUITE excited for Lollapalooza. I've decided that I wasn't going all three days (yes, I know), but instead I'm going to attend on Friday and hang out in Chicago the other days. Friday's lineup is super awesome: Radiohead(!), The Raconteurs, The Black Keys, Rogue Wave, Bloc Party, Cat Power, and bunch of other good bands. Now I just need for them to sell single day tickets, but that probably won't go down until Juneish. Bah, I'm debating on whether or not I should reserve a hotel room now or later. Maybe later.

So yeah, Vegas...I've never been there, and I am beyond psyched. It is going to be five solid days of debauchery, with the Beatles/Cirque "Love" show thrown in. I've retired from poker, so I don't know if I'm going to do anything along those lines. Blackjack is my new thing. P.S. counting cards is difficult...for reals. In Costa Rica I won a shit-ton of money in blackjack, but this Pro tennis player from Brazil actually told me what to do as I was too intoxicated to make my own decisions...we will have to see how Vegas goes.

I'm also getting bored of my surroundings and am looking into a new apartment. As dumb as it sounds, a new route to work would really make me feel better. I just enjoy the change of scenery. I read this article that on average, college graduates will have three jobs in the five years after graduation. This December will be three years out of school and I will be at the same job....whaaat. I want a new job...

Pity parties are my forte.

There is a litany of complaints I want to unleash on the world wide webiverse, but the rational part of my being doesn't think it's a good idea. Who knows who is reading this madness? With my luck it's my bosses and those individuals who are beyond pissing me off.

So just know, I am very much enraged. A lot of it is frustration about things I can't control or change. Plus, I'm in a rut. Everyday is a blur of routine and it's making me want to punch holes in the wall. I'm not going to do that though, I want my deposit back.

On the surface, everything looks swell. I just got a raise and a bonus, rare commodities in this economy, I'm healthy, and I've got a lot going on. Inside I am a mess. I'm looking for something, I just don't know what. Or perhaps I am just one of those people who are never satisfied with what they have.

I can't help but wonder how things would have been if I had taken that newspaper job instead of the publishing house. I don't think I'd feel so creatively stifled. Desk jobs are for a certain breed, I'm not cut out for it. A majority of my day I wander around creating my own adventure, even if it's as mundane as trying to make it from my desk to the deli downstairs without anyone seeing me.

Work is so sparse that I'm filling my days with watching films on my iPod. Humphrey Bogart is my new best friend so I've been watching a lot of old timey films. I've seen Casablanca so I just got done with To Have and Have Not which could also be called Casablanca II. Anyhow, this bitchfest has made me feel a lot better so I'm going to watch FoTC and stare dreamily at Bret.

Eh........

I just saw the trailer for the sequel to Donnie Darko....I sincerely hope this is going straight to DVD...bleh.